Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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