Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
