I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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