I like my sex mixed with concussions.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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