did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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