Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
