I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
