farters have to be the big spoon...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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