my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
