wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
