How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
