My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
