Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
