yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize