omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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