This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
