everyone is single if you try hard enough
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
