i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
