How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
being pregnant is like rehab
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
