What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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