Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
