i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
