I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
