I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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