he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
