4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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