That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
