first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
