can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
