it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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