On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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