Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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