'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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