Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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