and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
