Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
