I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
