You're so nebulous sometimes
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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