My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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