I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
