I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
