my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
