I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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