some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My liver just had a heart attack.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
