I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
