Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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