also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
