I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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