I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize