Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize