i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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