I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
