So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
