i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
