You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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