i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
