dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
