I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
