i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
