I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
