Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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