Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
