wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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