What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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