also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
