remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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