Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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