Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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