You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
