Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i out mim tonsoeep
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize